Few comedians have left as strong a mark on American humor as that of Groucho Marx. Marx, the ever-quick-witted leader of the legendary Marx Brothers. Marx was known for his razor-sharp one-liners, trademark cigar, and the ever-present smirk behind all of his masterfully delivered one-liners. I wanted to take a look at some of his most memorable quotes that he left us with. Enjoy the journey through time, and likely chuckle along the way.
1. On not lazily conforming to a group
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
2. On the value of books
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
3. On embracing a positive attitude
“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
4. On marriage
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
5. On art
“Well, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.”
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6. On the healing effects of golf
“I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.”
7. On the superstition behind black cats
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
8. On humor
“Humor is reason gone mad.”
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9. On everyone in New York wanting to write books
“Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.”
10. On the power of being born
“The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.”
11. On the weather being too good
“I’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining.”
12. On discerning if someone’s honest
“There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.”
13. On poetry one can understand
“My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.”
14. On getting older
“Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.”
15. On working oneself out of poverty
“I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”
16. On never forgetting a face
“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
17. On the secret of life
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
18. On actually educating America
“I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30.”
19. On avoiding television
“I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.”
20. On learning from the mistakes of others
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
Explore more vintage content:
Groucho Marx’s one-liners prove that great comedy never goes out of style, and his sharp humor still inspires laughter decades later. If these quotes left you smiling, be sure to browse through our collection of 20 Celebrities That Ruled the Golden Age of Hollywood for more moments from the past. You can also dive into our galleries of 20 Behind-the-Scenes Photos from Classic Hollywood Films.
